My marriage did not end well. By the time we parted we had a civil relationship, but truth be told I couldn’t really stand being around her. When finally I left the former marital home and struck out on my own it was a huge relief to finally be free.
Part of finding my way through life was to remove any sign of her. Past gifts were disposed of, clothing I’d worn passed onto charity. I’d left the marital home with nothing but what was unequivocally mine.
Only there were photographs.
I take a lot of photographs and occasionally I like to go back over them as reminders of days gone by. She appears in some of them, often with our twins, and it was this that gave me cause to think.
My instinct was to delete photographs of her. In fact I’d already cleared out most – if not all – of the images of just her from my photo library. But the pictures of her with the twins? What to do about these?
I’ve kept them for now.
It’s true these images are not ones I enjoy looking at or actively seek out. Rarely are the twins smiling when they’re with her, less so as they got older. They’re uncomfortable to look at. Painful sometimes.
But I have kept them, for now at least. Regardless of my own thoughts, these are images that the girls might want to have. They’re part of their childhood memories – good or bad – and no matter what I might think, it would be wrong of me to deny them that.
So for now at least I have pictures of my ex-wife on my computer and hidden in the photo library. In a couple of years I’ll pass them on to the twins and they can decide if they want them or not. I’ll probably keep them tucked away out of sight and mind.
Afterall, no matter unhappy those times were, I can’t completely edit my life.